Hello Valued Friends,
My name is Ken C. Waternixer and I hope you will support my foundation’s quest to warn the public about the many dangers of water and to share the wonderful benefits of “water-free water”. In fact, there are so many benefits, I can’t mention them all. Water, on the other hand, has been linked to almost every known disease and a poor physical condition. Everything from cancer to coughing. Millions of deaths are linked to water. Now I hope to have enraged you enough to do something… such as to donate money. Don’t you think it is time we do something, so this doesn’t happen to the children and their children’s children or the families of their loved ones?
The solutions are simple, yet the water companies oppose them. No surprise! They know that all they need to do is remove the water and just leave behind the minerals. Just imagine all the health benefits of being water-free! Since there would be too many to imagine, I won’t list them. But obviously, we’d have all the healthy natural minerals we would every need, but without the dangers of water. It will cost more to do this, but not all that much I think.
Please Donate Now and together we’ll force the greedy water companies to go water-free. I’ll use your donations to pay myself for writing many articles and stories for the media about how wonderful it is to be water-free, but I’ll mostly ramble endlessly about the unacceptable dangers of water. That’s not all- I’ll take busloads of my anti-water friends to the Capital City and we’ll pressure well-meaning Legislators into passing all the water-free laws as we can get them to do, but don’t worry, that won’t satisfy us… no way Jose! We vow to never accept scientific facts we don’t like; and will continuing demanding that more research is needed.
Of course, my work will never be done and I’ll be asking for many more donations- watch your in-box. Make sure you do your part, or you’ll be part of the problem. I’ll send many e-mails about my self-proclaimed victories, no matter how small, and to keep you up-to-date on the latest shocking news about water-linked disasters, threats, disease, etc.
I include a “Donate Here” button with every e-mail, so you can help Me save You from this terrible threat. Don’t forget that you’ll be helping the little children and their cute pets, too!
I look forward to receiving every one of your future donations and get your friends to do the same.
You are so welcome,
Ken C. Waternixer
Water-free Working Group (W-FWG)
Parody by Doug Schoon